Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Degrees vs Cricket


Test Match

PhD

5 days or less

More or less 5 years

Toss

Advisor assigned

Fielding

Course work

Leather hunt (first 2 days)

Literature survey and search for thesis problem (first 2 years)

Opposition declares

Advisor takes pity and chooses thesis problem for you

Openers face shiny new ball and bouncers

Comprehensive exam

Wickets fall

Years go by

Nightwatchman

Hobby to prevent depression

Pitch crumbles

Equipment breaks down

Spinners spin a web

Googly from experimental results

Follow on

Night out

Unfair decision

Paper rejected

Last session. No. 11 batsman trying to save his stumps from reverse swinging yorker at 150kmph

Thesis Defence

T20

MBA

20 overs

2 years

Minimal need for technique

Minimal need for technical stuff

Pyrotechnics - Brute force, Big shots

Pyrotechnics - Marketing Ability

Cheerleaders

Gets a girl that looks like a cheerleader

IPL Auction

Placement Season


Sketch Credits: Jithin K S, ECE, IISc

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Salsa Twist


Recently, Salsa classes have started at IISc. We were told that we will be assigned partners if we don't have one. So I went there happily imagining that I will be paired with some pretty girl. Turns out they make pairs based on skill levels. I was hooked up with a 70 year old lady who was advised by her doctor to take up dancing to get rid of stiff joints

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Full Spectrum Sweep



It started simply as high frequency microwaves. Then I was advised to look at terahertz frequencies. Now the focus is shifting towards infrared and photonics. Looking at the haphazard way my search for a thesis topic is progressing, I think I will reach gamma rays by the time I give my comprehensive exam


Image credits/sources:
Left half: Rodger Weese Soul-utions
Right half: Si/SiGe Research, Univ of Cambridge
Putting them together: Myself

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Eyebrow Raising Research


Many years ago, one of my ex-professors had this unique habit. Everytime I said something stupid, he used to raise his eyebrows and stare at me till I stumbled towards the right answer on my own. As my work progressed, the frequency of such incidents reduced gradually to zero. I was elated, thinking that I am improving. During my final meeting with him, I observed him closely. My illusion was shattered and I understood the real reason. One year of working with me and his eyebrows had permanently shifted to a higher position on his forehead

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Blue Umbrella

He always sat at the same table. First floor, side row, corner seat, close to the edge, overlooking the floor below. It offered everything he required. In order of his liking, the things his position offered were, privacy, ideal ventilation, a good view of the wall clock and an unobstructed view of anyone entering or leaving the library.

He had followed his regular routine till now. Entered the library at 8am. As always, the first customer. The elderly librarian greeted him congenially. He never greeted back verbally. He just nodded. He had no requirement for pleasantries.He was a man in a shell and content with remaining within.

The librarian knew him too well to have taken any offence. The old man just watched fondly as his favourite reader climbed up the spiral staircase and settled in his position. Everyone was aware of his reticent nature. Apart from his lack of concern for pleasantries and associated preference for monosyllables and reluctance to use his multisyllabic vocabulary, he did not give much reason for others to dislike him. He even displayed minor mannerisms that sort of made people fond of him over a period of time. The grocer liked him because he never haggled, the barber liked him because he was not fussy and quarrelsome about his haisrstyle, and his peers liked him because he was a handy and ready reference for long equations, tricky concepts and physical constants. The librarian of course liked him because he was the most regular reader for the past three years. In fact, a self-centred researcher rarely offers many reasons for anyone to really resent him.

He had begun to settle down at his usual table. He had collected his stack of books for the day. Taking his writing instruments out of his bag, he laid them methodically beside the large stack. With his extravagant yet youthful and athletic frame, sitting hunched over the even larger stack of books, laying out his writing aids, he looked like a mental giant preparing itself for the bibliophilic feast that lay ahead.

He held the pen over the paper, opened the book and was about to bite into his first nugget of knowledge when the blue umbrella entered his peripheral vision. He looked down at the ground floor library entrance and watched as the blue umbrella emerged from the drizzle outside and entered the library. He could not see the owner of the umbrella from his high position. He could just see the blue umbrella. Inspite of the fact that he could not see the owner, there was a strange attraction.

The attraction had started with the blue umbrella. But it did not end when the blue umbrella was lowered and laid down to dry at the porch. His eyes moved effortlessly up the slender limb that was clutching it and opthalmically grazed the owner of the umbrella. The rest of the objects in his field of view receded as the enchantress took centre stage.

He kept observing as she walked over to the librarian’s desk, took the form for new members and started filling it. She deposited the form, collected her new card and proceeded towards the newspaper section on the ground floor.

Our bibliophile regained his senses and looked at the wall clock. It was almost 8:30am. It was the first time since he joined the library that he had spent more than 15 minutes inside the library looking at anything other than printed matter.

He forced his attention back to the books but the blue umbrella kept tugging at it. He lost the tug of war when she came back later in the day. She picked up the blue umbrella and walked away gracefully. He followed her as far as rectilinear propagation of light allowed. As she walked out of the range of his view, he found himself wishing that he had the ability to bend rays of light.

She became a daily visitor and our reader found himself looking at more than just books in the library. As the days went past he increasingly found himself searching for her with the same intensity with which he used to search for books in the library.

He was enchanted. Enchanted with every aspect of her. Her long black hair, the captivating smile, the perfect features, the demure body language, the brown eyes that seemed to have the depth of the ocean in them. Everything about her was so fascinating. Even the blue umbrella.

The heart was conquered. It took some time for the mind to accept it. Years of icy isolation had made him alien to the warm feelings in his heart. But the ice was thawing as he felt his heart get soaked in the caramel delight that is love.

She proved herself to be a voracious reader. He involuntarily monitored her reading habits closely and admired her diverse taste in books. Her changing reading habits started bringing her to the first floor. As a side-effect, he suddenly found himself spending gradually increasing amounts of time in front of the mirror before coming to the library.

One fine day, he saw his lady love unsuccessfully looking for a particular book on his floor. She decided to ask for help and proceeded by approaching the reader closest to the stairs. The reader did not seem to know the location of the book she was looking for. She made her way along the row to the next reader. Again, a negative answer. She inched her way closer and closer, one desk at a time, towards her secret admirer in the corner seat. The closer she came, the faster his heart started beating. He almost leapt with joy as he heard the title of the book she was looking for her. He knew precisely where it was. He fumbled mentally to frame the sentence with which he would direct her. He checked his breath. Straightened his hair. Cleared his throat. He began to weigh whether he should accompany her to the shelf? Would it seem too eager? Is it too early to ask her out for coffee? He was relieved off all his dilemmas as the reader next to him directed her to the appropriate shelf and halted her progress along the row. For the first time in 3 years of being a member of the library, he felt like picking up his book and throwing it at a fellow reader.

He prided himself at never relying on chance. So, he never admitted even to himself, let alone anybody else, that he was secretly, desperately praying for another similar but successful encounter. The confectionary shop next to the library perceived an increase in the sale of mouth fresheners.

For the next considerable number of days, she seemed to require no assistance in locating the books she required. The love addict began to find that the daily visual drug delivery dosage was no longer enough to satiate his cardiac cravings. He was unable to focus on his work like he used to and there was a backlog of pending work beginning to build up. The trouble with a brain with above average IQ is that, it meddles in the affairs of the heart. This brain had started plotting ways to achieve what his heart desired.

That morning, he stood in front of the mirror and looked at himself. There was nothing repulsive there. In fact the image was quite easy on the eye. Broad intellectual forehead, clearly demarcated eye brows, deep-set and apparently intelligent eyes. The few wrinkles around the eyes were more from poring over books for endless hours rather than age. Overall he made a pleasing sight with the luxuriant, black, slightly unkempt hair and thick spectacles giving him an erudite air. The rest of the generous torso provided an illusion of athletic ability. He did make an eye catching scene. He assured himself that he was good looking, gentle and kind, good hearted, well mannered, thoroughly sophisticated and a complete gentleman, all veiled behind the curtain of awkward nerdiness.

He prepared his mind to cross the energy barrier that was normal social interaction with the girl he had a crush on. He tried to convince himself that he had the potential to cross the barrier. Whenever any doubts crept, he reminded himself of the probability of quantum tunneling and proceeded towards the library.

He planned to initiate a conversation with her on her way out of the library. It was a Friday. He would ask her plans for the weekend and ask her if she would like to spend it in his company. The lines were well rehearsed. The logistics were thought out well in advance. Only the execution remained.

He sat at his desk, quietly, waiting for evening, crouched like a tiger, ready to pounce on the prey of opportunity when she walks out of the library. He itched to reveal his newly acquired claws of witty, well-rehearsed pick-up lines and snare his prey.

Dusk set in, accompanied by a light drizzle. He saw her come to the desk, and issue her books for the day. The romeo tiger licked its lips in anticipation. The adrenaline began to flow and his heart rate increased. It was time to move in for the kill. He bounded down the stairs. That was when he saw the blue umbrella walking away into the distance. She was moving faster than he expected her to.

He would have made a dash for it and caught up with her, had he not seen the black umbrella move up next to his beloved blue umbrella. He watched helplessly from the distance as the two umbrellas came too close for his comfort. His dreams and hopes came crashing down, pain pierced his heart and try as he might he could not prevent the tears from welling up in his eyes. Unable to clearly see the owners of the two umbrellas, he could just watch as the two circles of the umbrellas overlapped and trailed off into the dusky darkness like a Venn diagram.

Heartbroken, the tiger morphed into a cat and started walking back home alone in the rain. His prey had walked off with the hyena.

A heartbreak can inspire a man to great works. Heartbroken, poets create romantic poems, musicians dole out soulful music, artists paint their most beautiful works, athletes wear out punching bags. But, what could our scientist do? He delves deep into the mathematical aspects of quantum phenomena.

In an attempt to bury his personal anguish under the weight of academic workload, he locked himself up and accomplished all the tasks that had been pending since he caught the love bug. Not resting even after catching up with the backlog, he zoomed ahead of his schedule and left his peers awestruck with his progress. In fact, he himself was amazed at the focus and untiring effort he was able to muster for the past couple of days. Couple more heartbreaks and he would be right on track to win a Nobel Prize.

The long weekend finally came to an end. The weekend that he intended to be the most romantic weekend of his life had turned out to be the most academically productive weekend of his life. He couldn’t resist a smirk at the irony of it all as he dressed up that Monday morning and proceeded to his usual haunt, the library. The same library that gave him so much and yet, took away, even more than it had given.

The cold and misty morning seemed to make his bones ache almost as much as his heart was aching. He walked slowly towards the library entrance. Visibility was low due to the mist but he could recognise her through it all. She was standing there near the notice board. She was pinning up something to the board. “What now? Her marriage invitation to the public?” thought our irrational nerd. She pushed the final pin into the notice and he imagined it to be the final nail in the coffin of his love. She walked into the library and towards the newspaper section.

He proceeded to read the notice more out of morbid curiosity than anything else.

Few seconds later, the old librarian heard heavy thuds of rushing footsteps and saw his favourite bookworm, the usually calm scientist barge into the library and run frantically towards the newspaper section. The librarian had never known the scientist to ever even walk in a hurried manner let alone sprint in this frenzied manner. What devil could have resulted in this unusual sight? The librarian could not control his curiosity. He left his desk and proceeded to read the notice that had had resulted in this hyperactive state of the usually sedate scientist.

The notice read,


Lost: Blue Umbrella

I had kept it at the library porch on Friday morning and it was missing when I came for it in the evening. If someone has taken it by mistake, kindly return it to me. Contact details below…


That was where our lover had abruptly stopped reading the notice and began his mad dash into the library towards his lady love.

The librarian still spends his time wondering how a simple notice of a lost blue umbrella could produce such a pronounced change of behaviour in his favourite bookworm.

A Different Ball Game

I have not been following cricket religiously for the past couple of years. So when I read the headlines the other day

"Shoaib caught on camera tampering with ball"

it took me couple of seconds to realise that Shoaib Akhtar has not retired and they are talking about an actual cricket ball

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Ultimate Stunt

In the movie Robot, Rajinikanth performs many superhuman feats and takes down helicopters, conjures shock waves by stamping his feet and shoots bullets from his fingers. But, my favourite stunt of all is when the 60+ Rajinikanth romances that Ash babe. Truely evergreen

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

No Race for Tired Men

Its tough being a guy. Men are expected to put up a fight. You cannot sit back and enjoy the scenery when you are tired. I experienced it during the bicycle race when petite, pretty girls started overtaking me on their ladybirds

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Rule of the Race

This weekend there is a bicycle race at IISc. I was very eager to participate using my cycle. However, I hesitated a bit after reading the rules. They clearly mentioned

"Non-human powered vehicles are not allowed"

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Everything's fair in Love and War and Peace


I have friends who read classics like War and Peace just so that they can tell people that they have read it. I don't like that attitude and I never do that. I just go through the synopsis and character sketches and tell people that I have read it

Sketch Credits: Bhavana Sekhar, ECE, IISc

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A Different Language of Thought (एक अलग भाषा, एक अलग सोच)

हिन्दी दिवस के शुभावसर पर मुझे अपने विचार स्थिति संदेश के माध्यम से शुद्ध हिन्दी में प्रस्तुत करते हुए हार्दिक प्रसन्नता हो रही है

Translated:
On the occasion of Hindi Diwas, it gives me great pleasure to express my views via the medium of my status message in pure Hindi

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Power of Prayer

One of the things I like about prayer, is that, it makes me feel like Someone else is going to take care of my problems

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Early bird gets the ?

I wonder, if I come to lab early morning in my night dress, will my professor and lab mates think I have been working all night in the lab?

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sibling Bonds, Unravelled Threads, and More

ProLogue

The trouble with receiving a Rakhi via post (especially when I am alone) is that its difficult to tie it on my own wrist all by myself. I appealed for assistance to certain male friends, in the past. But they displayed too big an ego to help me with such feminine chores every year. I don’t feel like asking any of the girls I know to tie it on me (for obvious reasons).



Just-Logue

I was making an attempt to tie the Rakhi single-handedly (yes, in this case single-handedly does mean using only one hand). I wished that I had an extra limb to expedite matters. I sat crouching over my right wrist as the fingers of my left hand attempted to demonstrate unattainable dexterity. At the end of each of those failed attempts, I stood up agitated and paced around the room planning my next assault on this knotdom. Each time I stood up, I experienced a headrush. The variations of blood flow must have triggered a few threads of thoughts in my head.

I will try to recount here the threads as they began unravelling in my mind. All while I was attempting to ravel this one thread around my wrist.

If I were to make a list of all the special days that I enjoy making fun of on my blog, Valentine’s Day would be the undisputed winner. But second place would be taken by none other than Rakshabandhan. Also, next to Valentine’s Day, it is the one day when people enjoy making fun of me the most. Those who are close to me, ask me whether I ever regret the fact that I don’t have any siblings. Why the hell am I not asked similar questions on Valentine’s Day?

Acquaintances do not spare me either.
“Do you have any siblings?”
“No, I am alone”
“Aahh that is why you are like this” is the deduction cum diagnosis from Sherlock

I am told that, studies have shown that, people with siblings tend to be more extroverted, as compared to those without siblings. I am glad that I can blame my introvert nature on my lack of siblings.

A member of my family blessed with siblings tells me that I might have grown up to be a different and more outgoing person if I had someone to grow up with, someone to communicate my thoughts and dilemmas to.

“Having no one to share feelings with during childhood, leads to an inability and unwillingness to open up to new people. Growing up alone, creates loners” he tells, pointing two ophthalmic fingers at me.

My alter ego is offended that he is not being considered as a separate person. My alter ego hopes that this member of my family has numerous kids. I agree with my alter ego. Considering the amount of genetic material he shares with me, he shouldn’t take any chances. He needs at least half a dozen kids to make sure that none of them grow up to be like me.

“What do you mean by me? You mean us!”, my alter ego screams out
My alter ego corrects me and I stand corrected. Wouldn’t want anybody growing up to be like my alter ego either.

Alter egos aside, I strongly feel that there is no way I could ever know what it is like to have a sibling. I do have cousins, and lots of them. However, as this earlier post reveals, I don’t think I have ever been like a true sibling to most of them. When friends share their feelings about various relationship issues ranging from parents, teachers, friends, even crushes, I am able to empathise with them to a certain extent. However, whenever someone shares with me any sibling related issues, I feel an emotional lacuna. I have no firsthand experience of such matters. I am unable to relate to the thoughts being shared with me. I can no longer say, “Yes I can understand, I have been there myself”.

By this time, I had completed another failed attempt at knots and what nots and I stood up agitated. The headrush flushed out the old thoughts. I sat down after sometime and started my next attempt to scale Mount Knot. The blood in my head started settling down and new thought patterns emerged amongst the ripples.

Personally, I cannot help feel that things were not that bad growing up alone. No one to fight with, no one to share the TV remote with, no one to pull the blanket. I am the king of my bed and I get to choose which pillow I want. No sibling rivalry. No sharing of toys. I could play with whatever I wanted in whichever way I deemed fit. I made the rules, I bent them and broke them. If I won, it was because I was getting better at the game, if I lost, it was because I could not surpass my alter ego.

But I cannot help wonder, did all these factors lead to the creation of someone who is not comfortable in a social situation? Someone unwilling to open up? Someone who is selfish, possessive and insanely jealous regarding the things he holds close to his heart? Deep inside him, its not the fact that he is given these tags by peers that bothers him. It is the fact that he doesn’t truely resent the tags.

The thread, having described all possible loci around my wrist finally lets itself be led along intended lines. I tug at the final thread and it stays put. I pump my fist vigorously in the air with unbounded joy at my accomplishment and the recently tied Rakhi flies away.



EpiLogue

This part is dedicated to the readers who have come to expect inappropriate humour in each one of my posts. How can I resist?

In case any of my male readers find themselves the target of sibling related pity and over enthusiastic people wanting to make sure you get your share of sisterly love, here are some excuses to enable you to escape unscathed. The ladies can just read it to understand and appreciate the extent to which a man can go to avoid adding to the number of sisters he has.

I consider myself as an expert on such innovative excuses for various occasions (as demonstrated in an earlier post). However, I must add that you must exercise caution and discretion while using them. I have added my suggestions on how to use them for maximum effect.

1. Girl approaches with Rakhi in hand. You open your arms wide and say,

“Insanity runs in my family. I guess you should fit right in. Welcome to the family dear sister”


2. This excuse is to be spoken in the polite yet formal and impersonal tone in which the pretty girl at the airline ticket counter tells you that there are no more seats.

"I am sorry but both my forearms are booked in advance today. Would you like to be put in the waitlist in case anyone cancels at the last minute?"


3. In this excuse, the first sentence is to be spoken in a self righteous manner. The second in a suggestive manner. Note that this excuse is perhaps the most dangerous of all excuses listed here. To be used only if you cannot use the others for some reason. Recommended to be used if you want a permanent fix to your problem. The eager sister will not dare cross your path after you use this one on her.

"I am a firm believer in the concept of one woman (per position). The position of my sister is taken. But there are other vacancies, if you are interested"
*Add a wink for special effects


4. On some occasions there are male peers who enjoy trying to get you your share of sisterly love. More often than not, the real intention is a hidden taunt and an attempt to legitimately call you a Saala. You, don’t have to stoop low and abuse such male peers. You only have to abuse yourself (appropriately).

He: Main apni nayi girlfriend se tujhe rakhi bandhwaoonga.
You: Bahut bada B**ch*d hoon main



5. A genetically gifted, hot and intelligent babe with perfect features, perfect eyesight, sparkling teeth and amazing hair comes up with the proposal of making you her brother. You agree at first. You even extend your hand. She comes forward to tie the Rakhi. At the last minute, you withdraw your hand and say the following words (overflowing with emotion)

"NO, I cannot bear to watch this loss to the gene pool if we end up being brother and sister!"

Then you run away



Disclaimer: The characters in this entire post are entirely fictional. The views and humour are not meant to be taken seriously. I will not be held responsible for any damages (emotional and physical) resulting from the use of these excuses.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Craving for Clairvoyance

Things would be much simpler if we could just read each other's thoughts. I wouldn't have to write any of this stuff


P.S. Written when I was unable to express my thoughts and feelings for the nth time in life

Monday, August 16, 2010

Tiger says Meow

Came to the lab today morning like a Tiger, full roaring with enthusiasm. I assured myself that absolutely nothing will distract me from accomplishing my goals for the day. Then I learnt that my advisor is out of station and I left the lab purring with pleasure like a Kitty

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Give me headphones and I will give you ...

Lend me a pair of headphones tonight and I will lend you an ear whenever required

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

My laments at the end of course work

Saari umr hum ratt ratt ke padh liye,
Ek semester to ab hamein jeene do jeene do,
Grades to gaye, interest bhi gaya,
Ek semester to ab hamein jeene do jeene do,
Give me some marks, give me some brain,
Give me another chance, I wanna learn calculus once again

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Flora and Fauna

I have a shirt with bright floral designs. It was washed with a washing powder whose ads claim to give fabrics a fresh, natural fragrance. I wore the shirt today and got stung by a bee

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Drive to Where?

When I had reached the age of 18, I joined driving school. The driving instructor was an atheist. By the time I received my license, he had become a very religious and God fearing man.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

My Thankless Battle

There are certain thankless battles to be fought in life. If you win, you don't get sufficient credit and recognition. If you lose, society will neither appreciate the efforts put in nor will it ever let you forget the loss. I have faced such a situation in my life. A girl had challenged me to an arm wrestling match

Friday, July 9, 2010

Strange Encounters

At 2330 hours, I left my lab, unsure of my destination. It had been a long, hard and fruitless day. The kind of day that makes you wish tomorrow will be different.

Weary and hungry, I went to the one place I could get rid of both. Tea-Board. At this late hour, there is not much of a queue. So I could get my order pretty quickly. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind standing in a queue. What I mind is when the person in front of me makes his decision while standing at the counter. I mean, what was he/she doing all this while. Guessing what the person in front of him/her will order?

I collected my order in a huff and started walking towards an inconspicuous table in the corner. As I walked I sensed that I was being watched. I get this weird, uncomfortable feeling when I realise that I am being followed in the ophthalmic sense. I could see him from the corner of my eyes. Since he did not seem like someone I know, I did not strain my peripheral vision too much and went ahead and settled down at the table.

I looked up and suddenly saw him occupy the space in front of me. Apparently the “following” was not limited to being purely ophthalmic. I wouldn’t have been so surprised by his arrival under normal circumstances. But at this late hour, when a total stranger gets up from the place he was occupying, skips numerous other empty tables and sits in front of me at my inconspicuous table, I begin to wonder why. I took a closer look. My peripheral vision was right. I had never seen him before.

It was dark and he was darker. But I could make out prominent features. I definitely did not know him. He was not repulsive or anything, but there was nothing particularly attractive about him. He kept looking at me. I looked back down after an appropriate amount of time. He kept looking at me for an inappropriate amount of time.

There were quite a few things I immediately did not like about him. Firstly, I don’t like it when someone takes a place opposite me without asking me if someone is sitting there. What if that place is reserved for someone? What if I am waiting for someone else to join me? Could he not have at least asked if the place is occupied? I cannot blame him too much for this. In fact, I don’t think anybody asks me if the place is reserved before occupying a chair in front of me at my table. Perhaps they realise that someone like me couldn’t be dining with someone else. My appearance must be sufficient guarantee that no one was, is or will be joining me at my table in the near future. I really don’t think people should be judged by appearances and first impressions and panache and stuff like that. I hope you get the drift.

Second thing I did not like about him is the way he sat down in front of me. There was an air of arrogance in his body language. I may not be able to read the fine print. But the writing on his body language was clear. He sat down as if he owned the place and I was the one intruding on his privacy.

The third and the most annoying thing about him was the fact that he was still staring at me. I don’t like it when strangers stare at me. Not that I never give them reasons to do so. Sometimes, I do commit antics that deserve stares. But, currently I was not in one of those antic moods. Nor had I done anything to attract this visual examination.

The sudden intrusion, the devil may care body language and the incessant staring, generated a natural dislike in me towards him. I tried to ignore it, looked down and moved my hand towards the sandwich in front of me. I noticed a slight craning of his neck towards me. I looked up. He did not care to crane his neck back. He was looking at my plate. He turned his gaze back towards me when he realised I had looked up. He craned his neck back, lifted his head higher and looked at me as if to question what I was so interested in. His blunt manner and the authoritative, challenging look irritated me. Not to be outdone, I put my elbows on the table, created a fist with one hand, clenched it with the other and leaned forward as if marking my territory on the table. I could see a glint which I assumed were his teeth that he was beginning to display as if mocking me and my aggressive stance.

Males have their own ways of asserting their dominance to other males. I never understood it completely. For example, I never know, when to lean forward and be aggressive and when to lean back and act as if I don’t care. I wondered if I had over reacted. The continuing glint from his teeth began convincing me that I had not over reacted. I wondered if I would be more intimidating if I stood up to my full vertical dimensions. Or should I lean back and smile. Why should I smile? I should just lean back and frown? What about cracking my knuckles? Yes! I should crack my knuckles! I have seen guys do it in the movies lots of times. Bouncers, Gangsters, Henchmen, they all do it when they want to threaten someone. I don’t see how an ability to crack knuckles is a measure of ability to inflict physical damage but it seems to do the trick. So I decided to crack my knuckles. The leaning forward with elbows on the table position I had assumed in the previous paragraph was conducive for knuckle cracking. Only problem was, my knuckles were not conducive. In the heat of this cold war, I had forgotten that I am not a serial knuckle cracker. Few silent, unsuccessful tries and I gave up, not wanting to lose any (more) imaginary ground in this battle for supremacy.

I reiterated to myself, ability to crack knuckles has no correlation to ability to inflict physical damage. I took a closer look at his physical attributes. He seems a healthy, muscular male specimen fully capable of holding his own in any contact sport. There was a smug look on his face after my knuckle cracking antic. Oh how I would love to give him a closer look at my knuckles.

I began calculating the possible outcomes. I think its unsafe to strike the first blow without thinking whether I am capable of bearing the retaliation. What were the parameters involved? I had not seen him move much but from his built I guessed I cannot count on speed being on my side. Stamina? I recollected the time I had felt breathless by just rushing to the registration desk of the SnT run in an attempt to get there on time. I could not go and register myself. Not in that huffing and puffing state I was in. Strength? I cannot even crack my knuckles!! How does that even matter? What if he is actually stronger? But he is a bit smaller than me. Am I big enough? Does size matter?

Unable to find any clear answers, I turned my attention to the thing that was possibly the root of it all. I looked at the two sandwiches on my plate. All this contemplation had made me more hungry. The longer I looked at the sandwich, the more impatient I became. I decided it is not safe to strike the first blow. Regardless of the outcome of the battle, I will definitely suffer damage. I may not be sure if I have speed, strength, stamina on my side, but if I let him make first contact, I may at least have some rightful conduct on my side. Let me just pretend like I don’t care.

Having made my decision to adopt the ostrich approach, I decided to dig into the sandwich. As I picked up the sandwich and brought it close, I expected the gentle flavours to neutralise the bad taste this unwelcome companion had brought. Just as I was about to bite in, I saw him twitch. I looked up suddenly, my body tense and overflowing with mental adrenaline. He seemed taken aback by my sudden movement. As I took a closer look, I saw the gentle curiosity in those eyes that I had not noticed so far. He continued staring with the same intensity. Only this time, I felt like it was more a look of fascination and longing rather than malice.

I placed my sandwich back on my plate and closed my half open mouth. I cut the sandwich in half and offered one half to him. The astonishment in his eyes, if any, lasted only a fraction of a second. He ate with the same intensity with which he stared. The second sandwich was divided and treated in the same way. Before I knew it, both sandwiches were gone. The only remnants were the crumbs on my plate. He did not care to leave many crumbs. I was too amused to hold any grudges.

As I got up to leave and started walking, his eyes followed me. I looked back. For the first time, he lowered his gaze. He got up and started walking away in the other direction. There was nothing in his manner to show me any gratitude. Except for the wagging of his twisted tail.

Reptilian Rescue


Today a lizard entered my room. I tried to drive it out but it went and hid in a corner in my cupboard. Unable to find a way to drive it out, I called Centre for Ecological Sciences (CES), IISc and gave an exaggerated description of the reptile. I asked them whether they would like to come and take it to their lab

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Haircut or Shave or ...

Everytime I go to my barber, he asks me whether I want a haircut or a shave. I was getting tired of repeating that I need just a haircut. So this time, I went to the barber clean shaven. Again, he asked me whether I want a haircut or a shave. Again, I told him that I need just a haircut. Later, I wondered, what the hell was he offering to shave anyway?

Friday, June 25, 2010

If ... Then ... Else ...

Its nice to fall in love at least once in life. If you are successful, you will be happy for the rest of your life. Else you might develop an appreciation for soulful music, an ability to judge, understand and value people or in the worst case, a good sense of self deprecatory humour

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Re-Launched and Re-Driven

IISc has re-launched the bicycle drive and we received a mail informing us that all unused bicycles will be marked with a sticker and will be taken over by the Student's Council if unclaimed for few days. Since then, whenever I am unable to locate any personal belongings of mine that I have not used for some time, I begin to wonder whether they have launched a drive for that item also

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Filtered Love

I had a crush on a girl but I could not muster the courage to express my feelings. So I searched for her orkut profile and decided to send a private scrap. When I typed out my love letter and clicked post, orkut gave me the message

"The content you are posting looks like spam, so its being sent to the recipient's spam folder"

If I could meet Orkut Buyukkoten I would ask him "Tumhara pyar pyar, aur hamara pyar spam?"

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Why I dress the way I do

Recently, in my department at IISc, interviews were held for the next batch of students. I was ordered to volunteer during the interviews. I was also warned not to dress loudly, and to be presentable and behave politely with everyone. So I wore a plain shirt, formal trousers, oiled my hair heavily and combed it neatly. I was also very humble and helpful to all the people. At the end of the interview, one of the candidate's parents thought that I was a peon and tipped me

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The Rose that Intoxicated me

Today in my lab I saw a bunch of exquisitely beautiful, fresh flowers in a vase. I picked a rose and brought it close, expecting to get intoxicated by its fine wine like fragrance. Under one of its petals, I found a tag that said "Made in China"

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Family "Affairs"

The only interesting part about family functions is the number of well dressed, pretty girls. The worst part comes when they are introduced to me as my first and second cousins.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Flights of Time

Time flies when you are procrastinating.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Roller Coaster Ride

When I was a kid, I was very afraid of getting into one of those big dangerous rides at amusement parks. One year of travelling in the autos of Bangalore and I think I have overcome that fear.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Can things get any worse?

There used to be a time when no girl would accompany me to watch a movie. I used to think that things just couldn't get any worse. Now, even guys won't accompany me to the movies.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Idiotic Thoughts

Since I have had relative grading, I have been wishing there were more idiots in the world

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Power of Thought


I have heard of people who stare at objects in the hope that they can move the object with the power of their thought. Today I tried to make my lab experiment produce the desired result by sitting and staring at it.

Cartoon Credits: Mandar Dixit, MRDG, IISc

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Don't Ask

Dear Ladies, I do not ask you your age, so please don't ask me my stipend amount.

Dear Gentlemen, I do not ask you about the progress of your relationship with your girlfriends, so please don't ask me about my progress with my research work.

Its bad manners to ask such things

Monday, April 19, 2010

If it were that simple

If I were gay, then at this point in life, I would have had at least a rough idea of what men want. But NO, I had to go ahead and be straight, spending the rest of my life wondering what women want

Monday, April 12, 2010

Runaway Thoughts

Recently, IISc held a Science and Technology run. I will not go into the details here. Needless to say, I knew my stamina and I did not participate in the run. I just stood there and watched the people run.

My body was idle but the mind was overrun with thoughts. One of them stood out.

"Hundreds of people running, wearing numbered chest badges. Marathon or mass prison breakout?"

Sunday, April 11, 2010

My social problems

I am not socially dysfunctional. I am conversationally challenged.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Metaphorically Speaking

The grapes are sour but the wine is sweet

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Who needs excuses?

Recently, I have been trying really hard to convince myself to go to the gym regularly. (For details about the reason, click here). Then my friend told me that excess workout reduces sperm count. This was not good for my future plans. (For details about the plan, click here). Thus ended my search for a excuse for not going to the gym. With friends like these, who needs excuses?

Friday, March 26, 2010

School Daze

After my sincere (?) but novice attempt at hindi poetry here, I received quite a few compliments (???). Here, I make another attempt (foolish) at poetry (if you can call it that).

These lyrics popped up in my head when I was listening to a timeless classic and reminiscing about my school days (daze).

Disclaimer: This poem does not in any way refer to any character(s) in the drama of my life. The characters and thoughts are purely fictional. In fact, I have had the good fortune of having wonderful teachers during my school days. The only fact in the poem is the blatant pseudo plagiarism.


Badan pe kitabein lapete hue,
O zaalim teacher kidhar aa rahi ho,

Zara door jao, to chain aa jaaye

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Another New Year's Dilemma

There are so many new years in the Indian calendar that I am running out of resolutions

Sunday, March 14, 2010

One Idiot, One Vacuum

I learnt about thin film deposition using thermal evaporation today. During the class, a part of my brain heated up and evaporated. Aided by the partial vacuum created in my head during the class, the brain vapour went and deposited itself on the inner walls of my skull.

Friday, March 12, 2010

My reservations about women

Today I was asked for my opinion on 33% reservation for women in the Lok Sabha and the state legislative assemblies in the women's reservation bill. Being politically naive, the only thought that came to my mind is, I have always had 100% reservation for women in my heart and look where that got me.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The grass is greener on which side?

The grass is greener on my side of the department. But the girls are prettier in the lab on the other side.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Why So Sarcastic?

I dedicate my sarcasm to certain events in my life. Without these events, I would never have been able to achieve these levels of sarcasm and self deprecatory humour.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

When time stood still

Yesterday I attended a lecture that was so boring that I felt like time had come to a standstill in that classroom. At the end of the class I realised that time had not come to a stop. Only the wall clock had stopped.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Beauty of the Beard

The advantage of shaving once a week is that, if I am not able to figure out which day of the week it is, I just stroke my beard and I am able to figure out which day of the week it is from the length of my beard.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Matters of the Heart

Continuing my tradition of posting a piece on my blog every year on Valentine’s Day on matters of the heart, here’s my post for this year.

On every special occasion, who are the people we think about most? Whom do we miss the most and given the choice, with whom would we like to spend that one day of celebration? Ever given it any serious thought? I am not talking about just Valentine’s Day. I mean any special festive occasion. The occasion and the corresponding person in whose company you wish to spend the occasion can reveal a lot about the depth of relationship you share with that person. Surprisingly, the subconscious may come up with people that on a conscious and rational level we may be unwilling to consider for various reasons.

Happiness can be shared with anybody, sorrow is shared only with those close to us. Praise is given to all, but criticism is given only to the ones we wish to improve. Indifference is distributed freely, anger is reserved for the special ones. Anybody can make us laugh, but the ones close to the heart are capable of making us cry. Conversations are needed with acquaintances, but with the special one, silence is equally comfortable.

The brain revels in solitude. It despises company and craves individuality. The heart craves companionship. Lying down alone on that bed, the mind is fleetest and can cross the seven seas in the blink of an eye, but the heart just sinks in the quicksand of lost love. The brain has a natural tendency to suspect. The heart, a willingness to trust. The brain wants proof. The heart just wishes that the things it heard were true. One knew it was too good to be true, the other knew not what it did to deserve this. One has tact and charm, the other speaks like it has never been lied to or deceived. One is egoistic and selfish the other has no concern for the self. The brain can plot and scheme, the heart can only dream and desire. The brain can laugh at life’s jokes and even add a bit of sarcasm of its own, but the heart can only shed silent tears.

Smiles can be insincere but tears are mostly sincere.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Where is my Valentine?

A few months back, on rakshabandhan day, my status message was "If only I were as popular among the chicks on Valentine's Day as I am on Rakshabandhan". Later that day, half a dozen girls from my friend list came and tied me a rakhi. They told me that they sincerely hope and pray that my wish comes true.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

My Self Analysis

My weakness : I don't know my strength

My strength : I know my weakness

P.S. I love paradoxes

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Nervous Pants

The pretty salesgirl (who was in a hurry to make the sale), made me so nervous that I almost forgot to wear my trousers before coming out of the trial room.

Common Usage Utilities

Recently, IISc has launched a bicycle drive. In this drive, common utility bicycles are available for use at various locations inside the campus. These bicycles are always unlocked and can be used by any person inside IISc. There are certain requirements like, we are not allowed to take them outside the campus, we should park them at specified locations etc etc. I don't want to go into the details here. What I want to talk about is, my thoughts when I heard about this novel concept.


Since the beginning of the bicycle drive with the concept of common usage bicycles, the little piece of imagination within me has been toying with the idea of whether this common usage policy can be extended to objects other than just the humble two wheeled bicycle. The following are some of the ideas I could come up with. I don't claim that they are practical. Some people may even find them outrageous. But the intention was not to provide practical ideas, the idea was to make at attempt at amusing the reader.

  1. Common Usage Cycle Rickshaw -> A friend of mine seemed none too eager on using the common bicycles. I learnt that my friend had difficulty in balancing on two wheels. So I wondered, why not have more than two wheels. In case tricycles are hard to procure, there are many unused cycle rickshaws around. It will not be difficult to balance it and it might also encourage people to do some social service and carry around a few hitchhikers.

  2. Common Usage Boyfriends/Girlfriends -> Why stop at abandoned bicycles/cycle rickshaws? We can include single and eligible bachelors/bachelorettes into the common usage drive. The holiday season can be a lonely time on campus. There will be volunteers parked at strategic locations on campus. If you are not feeling like walking alone, feel free to pick up a suitable volunteer (depending on your orientation), take them for a ride around the campus and dump them at specified locations. Its like emotional Viagra for the flaccid at heart.

  3. Common Usage Electric Stoves and Cutlery -> We have to admit, instant tea/coffee from the machine is not the same as man made tea/coffee. Presence of a stove and cutlery with a bit of raw material will enable students to enjoy the beverage of their choice even at the most unearthliest of hours. Those who are not sure of how to prepare tea/coffee need not fret. You can use the volunteers from the previous idea.

I better stop here, else the next thing I might be asking for would be beer dispensing machines all over campus.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Whose hair is it anyway?

Whenever I go for a haircut along with my dad, the barber asks my dad the specifications for my haircut. What is it about me that makes people think I am not capable of taking decisions regarding my own hair?

Stares of the Strange Kind

Sometimes when I am walking, people (even total strangers) tend to stare at me. This does not upset me one little bit. All I do is, look down and make sure that I did not forget to close my zip.

Where are my Cheerleaders?

I feel that objective examinations with multiple choices are like T20 matches. The luck factor is there, the high intensity and short duration is there, even the innovation is there. Only the cheerleaders are missing. I think we should have cheerleaders in the exam hall.

Language Issues

Today I met an auto driver who insisted on communicating with me in english. Initially I wondered why. Then I realised that his english is better than my kannada.

Queue of Thought

I hate people who cut in front of me in a queue. I have decided that the next man to cut in front of me would risk getting manhandled. My chivalry would prevent me from manhandling a woman. Hence the next woman to cut in front of me would be molested.

Body of Ice

Guys around me are building bodies like prime real estate. Suddenly I am beginning to feel like an igloo

Saturday, January 16, 2010

From sucking at fluid dynamics to sucking at a straw (in one milkshake)

Today at breakfast, I realised that the amount of energy required to drink a constant volume of milk shake through a straw is directly proportional to the viscosity of the milk shake and inversely proportional to the fourth power (not square) of the radius of the straw. With this realisation, my fear that I will never be able to apply fluid dynamics to real world problems, has been laid to rest.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Sperms of Thought

Today I read in the newspaper that intelligent men produce better sperm. If I had a higher IQ, I would take the newspaper clipping and my IQ test results, go to the sperm bank and demand an exorbitant price.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

My New Year's Resolution for 2010?

My new year's resolution is to be completely disorganized, whimsical and anti social. Judging by the way my past year's resolutions ended up, I expect that by february, I will be completely organized, focussed and have a very fulfilling social life