ProLogue
The trouble with receiving a Rakhi via post (especially when I am alone) is that its difficult to tie it on my own wrist all by myself. I appealed for assistance to certain male friends, in the past. But they displayed too big an ego to help me with such feminine chores every year. I don’t feel like asking any of the girls I know to tie it on me (for obvious reasons).Just-Logue
I was making an attempt to tie the Rakhi single-handedly (yes, in this case single-handedly does mean using only one hand). I wished that I had an extra limb to expedite matters. I sat crouching over my right wrist as the fingers of my left hand attempted to demonstrate unattainable dexterity. At the end of each of those failed attempts, I stood up agitated and paced around the room planning my next assault on this knotdom. Each time I stood up, I experienced a headrush. The variations of blood flow must have triggered a few threads of thoughts in my head.I will try to recount here the threads as they began unravelling in my mind. All while I was attempting to ravel this one thread around my wrist.
If I were to make a list of all the special days that I enjoy making fun of on my blog, Valentine’s Day would be the undisputed winner. But second place would be taken by none other than Rakshabandhan. Also, next to Valentine’s Day, it is the one day when people enjoy making fun of me the most. Those who are close to me, ask me whether I ever regret the fact that I don’t have any siblings. Why the hell am I not asked similar questions on Valentine’s Day?
Acquaintances do not spare me either.
“Do you have any siblings?”
“No, I am alone”
“Aahh that is why you are like this” is the deduction cum diagnosis from Sherlock
I am told that, studies have shown that, people with siblings tend to be more extroverted, as compared to those without siblings. I am glad that I can blame my introvert nature on my lack of siblings.
A member of my family blessed with siblings tells me that I might have grown up to be a different and more outgoing person if I had someone to grow up with, someone to communicate my thoughts and dilemmas to.
“Having no one to share feelings with during childhood, leads to an inability and unwillingness to open up to new people. Growing up alone, creates loners” he tells, pointing two ophthalmic fingers at me.
My alter ego is offended that he is not being considered as a separate person. My alter ego hopes that this member of my family has numerous kids. I agree with my alter ego. Considering the amount of genetic material he shares with me, he shouldn’t take any chances. He needs at least half a dozen kids to make sure that none of them grow up to be like me.
“What do you mean by me? You mean us!”, my alter ego screams out
My alter ego corrects me and I stand corrected. Wouldn’t want anybody growing up to be like my alter ego either.
Alter egos aside, I strongly feel that there is no way I could ever know what it is like to have a sibling. I do have cousins, and lots of them. However, as this earlier post reveals, I don’t think I have ever been like a true sibling to most of them. When friends share their feelings about various relationship issues ranging from parents, teachers, friends, even crushes, I am able to empathise with them to a certain extent. However, whenever someone shares with me any sibling related issues, I feel an emotional lacuna. I have no firsthand experience of such matters. I am unable to relate to the thoughts being shared with me. I can no longer say, “Yes I can understand, I have been there myself”.
By this time, I had completed another failed attempt at knots and what nots and I stood up agitated. The headrush flushed out the old thoughts. I sat down after sometime and started my next attempt to scale Mount Knot. The blood in my head started settling down and new thought patterns emerged amongst the ripples.
Personally, I cannot help feel that things were not that bad growing up alone. No one to fight with, no one to share the TV remote with, no one to pull the blanket. I am the king of my bed and I get to choose which pillow I want. No sibling rivalry. No sharing of toys. I could play with whatever I wanted in whichever way I deemed fit. I made the rules, I bent them and broke them. If I won, it was because I was getting better at the game, if I lost, it was because I could not surpass my alter ego.
But I cannot help wonder, did all these factors lead to the creation of someone who is not comfortable in a social situation? Someone unwilling to open up? Someone who is selfish, possessive and insanely jealous regarding the things he holds close to his heart? Deep inside him, its not the fact that he is given these tags by peers that bothers him. It is the fact that he doesn’t truely resent the tags.
The thread, having described all possible loci around my wrist finally lets itself be led along intended lines. I tug at the final thread and it stays put. I pump my fist vigorously in the air with unbounded joy at my accomplishment and the recently tied Rakhi flies away.
EpiLogue
This part is dedicated to the readers who have come to expect inappropriate humour in each one of my posts. How can I resist?In case any of my male readers find themselves the target of sibling related pity and over enthusiastic people wanting to make sure you get your share of sisterly love, here are some excuses to enable you to escape unscathed. The ladies can just read it to understand and appreciate the extent to which a man can go to avoid adding to the number of sisters he has.
I consider myself as an expert on such innovative excuses for various occasions (as demonstrated in an earlier post). However, I must add that you must exercise caution and discretion while using them. I have added my suggestions on how to use them for maximum effect.
1. Girl approaches with Rakhi in hand. You open your arms wide and say,
“Insanity runs in my family. I guess you should fit right in. Welcome to the family dear sister”
"I am sorry but both my forearms are booked in advance today. Would you like to be put in the waitlist in case anyone cancels at the last minute?"
3. In this excuse, the first sentence is to be spoken in a self righteous manner. The second in a suggestive manner. Note that this excuse is perhaps the most dangerous of all excuses listed here. To be used only if you cannot use the others for some reason. Recommended to be used if you want a permanent fix to your problem. The eager sister will not dare cross your path after you use this one on her."I am a firm believer in the concept of one woman (per position). The position of my sister is taken. But there are other vacancies, if you are interested"
*Add a wink for special effects
4. On some occasions there are male peers who enjoy trying to get you your share of sisterly love. More often than not, the real intention is a hidden taunt and an attempt to legitimately call you a Saala. You, don’t have to stoop low and abuse such male peers. You only have to abuse yourself (appropriately).
He: Main apni nayi girlfriend se tujhe rakhi bandhwaoonga.
You: Bahut bada B**ch*d hoon main
5. A genetically gifted, hot and intelligent babe with perfect features, perfect eyesight, sparkling teeth and amazing hair comes up with the proposal of making you her brother. You agree at first. You even extend your hand. She comes forward to tie the Rakhi. At the last minute, you withdraw your hand and say the following words (overflowing with emotion)
"NO, I cannot bear to watch this loss to the gene pool if we end up being brother and sister!"
Then you run away
Disclaimer: The characters in this entire post are entirely fictional. The views and humour are not meant to be taken seriously. I will not be held responsible for any damages (emotional and physical) resulting from the use of these excuses.
