Oct Issue and Sept Issue Cartoons in Voices
15 years ago
Tuesday, December 26, 2017
Eyebrow Raiser
Eyes are the windows to the soul but eyebrows are the archways to the prefrontal cortex
~Shakespeare (after a debate with ACP Pradyuman)
Saturday, November 4, 2017
Chandu Chacha practically saves a tree
Image source: www.123rf.com
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Builder Ranjan: Do you realise that you are putting a lot of
lives at danger for the sake of one life? Not even one life, just one tree.
Chandu Chacha: A tree is very much a precious living thing.
Builder Ranjan: Be practical Chacha. You cannot convince me
with emotional arguments. We will re-plant it elsewhere if the tree is so
important to you.
Chandu Chacha: Either you did not go to school or you did
not understand probability. Which one is more likely to happen? Someone dying
quickly in a fire or someone dying a slow extended death through breathing this
polluted air?
Builder Ranjan: Frankly, I don’t care about how these people
die. All I want is for my building to pass the fire safety regulations. And I
will not get it till I can prove it to these morons that the fire engine is
capable of reaching the building complex in less than 10 minutes of the alarm
ringing. That is all that I care about. And that tree of yours is standing
right in the middle of the only road that is wide enough to allow the fire
engine to pass through.
Chandu: You just told me to be practical didn’t you? The
road is 25 feet wide at the narrowest curve near the tree. I know the width of
their fire engine. It is no more than 20 feet.
Builder Ranjan: They let you enter the fire station and
measure the width of their fire engine?
Chandu: Don’t digress when I have you cornered
Ranjan: I will bring up this point in the next review
meeting.
---x-x-x---
Ranjan: You were not practical enough Chacha. The fire
engine can pass through the road with the tree standing there. But, because of the tree, it has to navigate
the curve at such a slow speed that it will never reach the apartment complex
in less than 10 minutes. The only solution is to cut the tree so that fire
engine can navigate the curve faster and reach in time. Not to mention that the
margin of 5 feet difference between the road width and the fire engine width is
too low if there are firemen are standing on the side of the engine.
Chandu: They have firemen who are five feet wide? I would be
worried for my safety if such obese firemen come to rescue me from a fire.
Ranjan: Make all the jokes you want Chacha. You have two
days before they come with the bulldozer to raze the tree down.
---x-x-x---
Ranjan: What is it now Chacha? I hope you have a good reason
to delay proceedings now.
Chandu: This is my nephew Kailash, he is giving IIT entrance
exams this year
Ranjan: Do you need help for his tuition fees Chacha?
Chandu: Don’t be stupid. He is here to prove to you that the
fire engine can navigate the curve at a speed fast enough to reach the
apartment complex in less than 10 minutes.
Ranjan: What the?
Kailash: Yes uncle, I have revised my curvilinear motion
mechanics syllabus yesterday itself. The road has a bend of 94.3 degrees with
an average friction coefficient of 0.34 without potholes. The weight of the
fire engine is 765 kgs when unloaded and it goes upto 980 kgs when fully loaded
with water and on a full tank of petrol. If the road is slightly elevated on
the outer edge of the curve by 2.3 degrees, the fire engine can navigate the
curve with a speed upto 30 kmph without any danger of hitting the tree.
Ranjan: Don’t tell me they let you enter the fire engine and
let you measure the weight of the fire engine.
Chacha: Don’t digress when we have you cornered.
Ranjan: Did you factor in the weight of the five foot wide
firemen in the fire engine?
Kailash: Yes presence of heavier firemen on the engine will only
increase the friction between the tires and the road and this will offset the
margin lost due to increase in weight of the truck. Not to mention that the
friction coefficient of the road will only increase when potholes appear giving
the fire engine a greater margin to work with. I mean, the fire engine may
topple over because of the pothole but it will definitely not skid enough to
hit the tree trunk.
Ranjan: There will be no potholes appearing on the roads. I
have built the best quality roads.
Chacha: Don’t digress when we have you cornered.
Ranjan: I will bring this up in the next review meeting.
---x-x-x---
Ranjan: You know Chacha, you will always be a narrow minded
activist who cannot see the big picture and practical limitations. You never
factored the height of the engine into your calculations. This time, I went
into the fire station and measured the height of the fire engine myself. It is
much higher than the height from which the lower branches of the tree hang. It
breaks my heart too but I don’t think you can save a major part of the tree Chacha.
Chacha: You know, you need not go to the fire station to
measure the fire engine dimensions. The specifications of the engine are available
online.
Ranjan: Look who is digressing now
Chacha: I tell you, you are trying to cut the hole to fit
the pegs here. Why do they need to bring an entire fire engine near the
building to extinguish the fire?
Ranjan: What are you suggesting now?
Chacha: I will personally finance a local fire-fighting
water storage unit near the apartment complex that can be filled by the fire
men and sprayed within 10 minutes.
Ranjan: You will never be a practical man Chacha. I will
bring this up in the next review meeting. But remember, all the expenses of the
local water storage tank will be borne by you personally.
Chacha: Whatever
Chacha (walks out of the office, takes out his phone and
speaks): Haan Kailash beta, apni mumy ko bolna ki apartment ke paani ka problem
solve ho jayega
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Post Script
The above piece was written as part of a session at Write Club on 30th April, 2016. The theme was to write a few scenes of a play. We were told to make sure that the story involves someone (or something) in mortal danger. I found the beautiful tree next to our venue to be particularly inspiring.
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