Man refuses offer for out of court settlement. Vows to continue legal battle over moustache.

2^nd April 2016, Bangalore

Man refuses offer for out of court settlement. Vows to continue legal battle over moustache.

Mr Vishwaroopam Venkatachalalapati has refused an offer for out of court settlement in the ongoing 4 month long Venkatachalapati vs United Feminists Federation legal battle. 

In what appeared to be a last ditch attempt by the United Feminists Federation (UFF) to avoid a full blown out legal battle in a case that is fast showing signs of becoming political, the UFF offered to allow Mr Venkatachalapati to keep his soul patch provided he shaves off his beard and moustache.

Ms Reshmi Taangowali the prosecution attorney for UFF is said to have made a counter attack against Mr Venkatachalapati’s allegation. Venkatachalapathi made a statement in the media earlier that his moustache is the most attractive part of his physique that makes him irresistible to women and that his wife is demanding him to shave off his moustache more out of jealousy rather than genuine concerns of skin rash. Ms Reshmi made references to Amir Khan’s soul patch in Dil Chahta Hai and said that women still found him attractive and that there is no reason Mr Venkatachalapati should feel that trimming his moustache to a soul patch would reduce his popularity among women.

Mr Venkatachalapati is said to have flatly refused the offer to cut his moustache and has promised to continue the fight for the freedom of men to decide the length of their facial hair. Shouts of azadi from large crowds of bearded men seemed to speak volumes about the public support that is gathering around Mr Venkatachalapati. Court was looking to fix another date for the next hearing while reports last came in.

17^th April 2016, Bangalore

Moustache battle blows into full face to face stand-off

In what appeared to be a well thought out strategic masterstroke by Mr Venkatachalapati and his team of attorneys, they have made a counter offer to United Feminists Federation that men can be legally asked by his wife to shave off his moustache to a certain extent. The amendment to the proposed marital household facial hair act is that men be allowed to keep facial hair provided the length of the moustache hair plus the length of the husband’s hair on his head is less than or equal to the total length of the wives’ hair on her head. These points seemed to be well received by the jury especially in view of the sound gender equality and follicle freedom policy towards equal hair rights arguments that were put forward by the defendants.

United Feminists Federation is said to have countered by claiming that this is an attempt by the defendants to divert the attention of the court from the main legal battle over the narrow discord between a husband and wife over the husband’s moustache and turn it into a wider gender equality battle over the length of hair that each gender is allowed to keep. Allegations were made that Mr Venkatachalapati is doing this to gain political mileage and is planning to start a political party. UFF has asked for an extension on the next court hearing while reports last came in.

21^st April, 2016, Bangalore

Man launches political party over moustache battle. Sections of women also come out in support of party.

Mr Venkatachalapati has finally confirmed the rumours floating around and formally announced that he will be launching a political party that will fight for the rights of people who want to sport facial hair. With the formal announcement made, support began to flow in from various quarters and fringe groups. A rally was taken out by dozens of women in support of the pro-moustache party most of them patients in the nearby St John’s Hospital for Hormone Replacement Therapy. Although not everyone seemed to be happy with the announcement as Bangalore Barber’s Association announced that they would never support this radical neo-Nazi ideology.

UFF has alleged that Mr Venkatachalapati’s party has polarized the society along lines of facial hair and follicle health. However, Mr Venkatachalapati has argued that his party has managed to bring out barbers in support of feminists. “These two groups that never had much interaction before, two groups that don’t have any ideological similiarities are joining hands against us. What does it tell you? They are afraid of our growing popularity” said Mr Venkatachalam.

The defendants have asked for an extension before the next court hearing in what appears to be a calculated move in view of the upcoming assembly elections to milk out maximum political attention before the next court battle in what has become a long drawn out legal war between Mr Vekatachalam and United Feminists Federation.

28^th April 2016, Bangalore

Parliament throws out fractured verdict. United Feminists Federation offers new terms for out of court settlement.

With the electorate throwing up a fractured verdict with no party able to muster an absolute majority, there seems to be a rush to turn to diplomatic maneuvers instead of open political mudslinging. United Feminists Federation has announced that are ready to allow the legal act to make a provision where men need not be legally forced to shave their moustache provided that they meet certain other minimum requirements.

To validate their point, Mrs Rekha was called as a witness. Mrs Rekha described how her husband had shaved off his beard and jumped into bed but in his enthusiasm forgot to remove his spectacles and poked her in the eye while thrusting his lips towards hers.

UFF has now asked for a separate committee that will research and study the physical hazards that should be taken care of before and during intimate moments between a married couple. Courts have decided to adjourn hearing on this case till the committee of physical hazards in the bedroom has submitted its detailed reports.

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Post Script

The above piece was written as part of a session at Write Club on 16th April, 2016. The prompts consisted of a number of newspaper headlines. Looking down at the list of prompts, I could see my moustache as well as a headline that read "Dad vows to continue fight over moustache".
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