Noices News

Research Student Waves at Crush While Cycling: Falls into Ditch 

India’s premier research institute witnessed its first casualty of this year’s valentine season in the form of Golu Dhol, an obese, 7th year PhD student, who injured himself by riding his cycle into a ditch, while he was attempting to wave at his fellow research scholar and alleged crush, Sundari Trilok. The incident occurred a little past midnight on New Year’s Eve in front of the new girls’ hostel. Golu was cycling on the road that leads from Nesara to the Juice Center when the incident occurred. 

 The only other real eye witness to the unfortunate event was Sundari Trilok herself. The Noices investigating team spoke to Sundari to get her view of what happened that fateful night. “I was exiting my hostel and about to take a turn onto the road that goes towards Nesara when I noticed my labmate Golu cycling down the road looking very forlorn. I smiled at him and suddenly he took one of his hands off the bike handle to wave at me. Before I could react, I saw that he veered completely out of control and went straight into one the ditches on the side of the road. I immediately rushed to where he fell and attempted to help him get up. It was difficult for me alone to lift up his heavy frame (not cycle frame). My hopes went up when I saw a security guard approach us with a flashlight in hand. But, the guard just came, shined the flashlight on Golu’s unlocked cycle and took it away to the basement and locked it up while Golu continued to moan lying in the ditch. Finally, I called four of my sturdiest admirers to help me carry Golu to the health centre.” explained Sundari. 

Golu who is currently recovering from his physical wounds at the health centre denied any charges of negligent driving or roving eye. Golu said, “I have waved at Sundari many times in the past and never fallen into a ditch. I blame the cycle shop owner who did not repair it properly when I had given it to him to fix a loose nut. I sent my friend Ishant Haddi to ask the cycle shop owner to pay for damages.” 

Noices team spoke to Golu’s friend Ishant and he said “I had gone to the cycle shop to speak to the owner. But as soon as I went there, one of the employees came towards me with the hose of the cycle air pump in hand, looked at me with wide open eyes and said “Haan…hawa bharna kya?”. Man, I did not even have a cycle with me at that time! So, I just turned around and came back running before he could do anything to me.” 

The initial security report that detailed the incident did mention the cause of the accident to be a “loose nut”. Noices investigators approached the cycle shop owner (this time, we went with a cycle). The cycle shop owner strongly denied having done a shoddy job of fixing nuts in Golu’s cycle while his wide eyed assistant filled air into the Noices investigator’s cycle tire and demanded 2 rupees. 

When approached, the security office assured the Noices team that they were doing everything to ascertain the real cause as to why Golu lost control of his cycle while waving at Sundari. When updates last came in, the sentence in the security report that mentioned the primary cause of the accident to be a “loose nut” was still unchanged.

Noices News

Research student falls asleep during technical talk in JN Tata Auditorium. Spends entire night locked up in auditorium

A seemingly harmless technical talk at the JN Tata Auditorium in India's premier research institute, Indian Institute of Science (IISc), Bangalore, took a tragic turn as Khoom B Karan, a research scholar in ECE (Encephalitis Cures Engineering) department fell asleep during the talk and did not wake up even as the speakers, entire audience and the support staff of the JN Tata Auditorium left at the end of the talk and the slumbering research scholar was locked up in the auditorium for the entire night.

The trapped scholar was discovered in the morning when Kanta Bai the cleaner opened the auditorium, allegedly for cleaning purposes. Asked about her reaction on finding the trapped research scholar, she said “In my 25 years of service, I have seen people carelessly leave behind all kinds of junk in the auditorium. People leave behind cups, brochures, text books even research papers. But this is the first time I have seen someone leave behind an entire research scholar”

Bahadur, the caretaker of JN Tata Auditorium was the last person to leave the auditorium. When questioned on why he neither saw nor heard the snoring researcher, he said “What saahib. Why are you blaming me? This place is so big, how can I alone take care of everything? In fact, so many students fall asleep in here because of the AC, soft cushions and the drawling voice of some speakers. But this guy was the only one stupid enough not to wake up at the end of the talk. I don’t understand why they hold such boring talks in such a cozy environment.” He then looked at The Noices Team closely, and said “In fact I think I have even seen couple of you sleeping in here”. Noices wisely decided not to push the matter any further with Bahadur.

Khoom B Karan’s brother B B Shaan was understandably aggrieved. He said, “This is very dangerous. I demand that the administration take some immediate action to prevent such unfortunate incidents in the future. How could they be so careless and lock up the auditorium while a research scholar is blissfully asleep inside? Khoom bhaiyya woke up around half an hour after the sedative voice of the speaker stopped impinging on his ears. He could not even use the mobile to call for help since there is no network available within the auditorium. He tried to shout for help. He had to run half a kilometre from his seat up the stairs towards the exit to knock on the doors only to realise that the doors are padded. How is anyone supposed to attract attention for help?”

Khoom was equally agitated about the mishap. He said, “Do you have any idea of the mind numbing experiences I had to withstand in there? All the ghosts of past speakers haunted me and kept lecturing me throughout the night. I had no choice but to listen to the technical talks, conferences and seminars of the past. I was too frightened to even yawn in front of those ghosts of past speakers” and he showed how stiff his jaw had become from endless hours of controlling his yawn.

He is currently recuperating at the IISc Health Centre. His duty doctor Dr Quack said “EEG did not show much activity when he was brought here. His mind was quite blank. The pulse and brain activity was alarmingly low. This might be due to being trapped in that ghastly place for over 14 hours. 2 hours of a technical talk and over 12 hours of being trapped in there while the echoes of the past talks kept reverberating. There is a limit to what the human brain can endure”.

Asked about Khoom’s recovery progress, Dr Quack said, “We had to give regular doses of the recorded voice of his advisor reprimanding him in order to raise his brain activity to acceptable levels. Fortunately, we have lot of experience in treating such cases at IISc. As you can see, he has responded very well to treatment”.

Asked for his feelings on surviving this mishap, Khoom said, “After this near brain death experience, I have begun to appreciate life. I have decided to start exercising my brain regularly. We tend to take everything we have for granted. Using brain only just before deadlines and examinations and ignoring it altogether at other times. I have realised that it is wrong” and he nodded in self-acknowledgement.

The Noices Team was asked not to aggravate the patient too much and we were requested to wind up quickly since it was almost time for his next dose of medicine. When asked for his final comments, “You only get one brain. Use it well” was Khoom B Karan’s parting shot.

Sketch Credits: Jithin K S, ECE, IISc